artistic freedom

It's been about two weeks since I last wrote, but although I feel as though I must write an update, it feels as though nothing's changed. Oh, yeah: I had that meeting with Adam. The day before St. Patrick's Day, no less (to me St. Pat's is all about tradition--tradition that I'm happy with, that is--and yes, I'm part Irish). However, also on St. Pat's Day, I felt freer artistically: like all (or most) of the old ideas had fallen away, leaving me free to truly explore the world of visual art. I think what I really needed was someone from my school saying, "hey, it's totally cool--that's what art school is there for." And that's what I got. I'm meeting with him again a week from tomorrow.

Although I've been going to this school for almost a year, I still cannot get over how much support there is here. I think that's because my only other academic experience outside of homeschooling was at Athabasca University, which wasn't a good match for me: I don't like using the phone and email as a primary source of communication. They're okay if I'm setting up an appointment or just getting in touch with an instructor if I haven't met them in the hallways. But I don't like just talking to a voice--I need real, face-to-face communication. Plus, all the tutors, etc., are in the Mountain timezone--three hours behind Atlantic time--which meant that I had to be ready to talk to a tutor at nine or ten PM. Ouch. It works for some (AU has been in existence since July 1970, though not always as an Internet-based school), but it doesn't work for me.

This Friday my photography class was about developing contact sheets in the darkroom. We got the negatives developed at Harvey Studios (which is about a block away from the school) last week and then developed them in the NBCCD darkroom. Judging by how the sheets look, I'm very happy with how the photos turned out.

I found that the way that I went about taking photos was different: because I was limited to twenty-four exposures and I couldn't delete the photos, I felt as though every photo had to count. So I spent more time composing an image and making sure everything was juuuust right before hitting the shutter button. After I got used to it, I actually enjoyed using a manual camera. Maybe I'll even go back to it for some things (though I still consider myself a digital photographer). Maybe. I'd have to look into places where I can get photos developed. But then there's the fact that I can't post those photos online without scanning them first... :-P (Yeah, I'm a techie.)

where did March Break go?

Construction, Reflected

Cirque Éloize came to the Fredericton Playhouse Thursday evening. As I was walking to school that afternoon (I had a history class) I had a look at the billboard above the entrance and decided that after school I'd go to the box office and see if they had Student Rush Tickets (not all events are eligible). They did, but I still had about fifteen minutes until they went on sale, so I went to MJC, dropped off my pack, and then went back to the Playhouse, bought my ticket, had supper, waited some more, and then went to the performance.

The performance itself was everything I'd expected and more. Although I've seen parts of it on TV, it was unbelievably thrilling to see it live. Here's a taste of what I experienced that night:



This week was March Break, and even though I now love my school about as much as I love the Met (which can be pretty darn creative, too), I was ready for a break.

So I spent the first couple of days in bed, being as lazy as possible--though between finishing off and sending an email to Lynn, listening to La Bohème (I sent the email just minutes before I started to sob as though my heart was breaking--which it was. I was completely drained by the end.), and reading, I had a very full day. In the post-opera conversation, Margaret and Ira said that since the opera's Met premiere in 1900, there have only been six seasons where the Met hasn't performed it. Which is good news for those of us who can't get enough of that opera.

A couple of days ago Mom got a phone-call from a cousin in Massachusetts (for privacy reasons I'll call him C. whenever I write about him here). Turns out he'll be visiting some point in August. We've never met, and although I've known about him since I was little, C. didn't know this part of the family existed until Mom contacted him about a year and a half ago and invited him to the cousin reunion she was hosting. C. had a prior engagement that weekend, but we've kept in touch ever since.

Both yesterday and the day before Mom and I went to various businesses and I dropped off my résumé. I know, boring. But I really hope I get a job this summer: like many college kids, I need it.

The next thing I'm going to write about is something that I've written about in emails to both Mom and Lynn. So you guys can either read or skip this part. ;-)

One of the things about going to art school (or any form of higher education, really) is that you're there not only to prepare for the rest of your life, but you're also there to explore. This is especially true in art school: I can't tell you how many times I've been thrown for a loop. One of those loops is the realization that I'm playing it too safe, both in a school sense (at NBCCD they want the students to explore and try things out--that's partly how you learn) and in a personal sense, because to me that's partly what art is: it's there to challenge, and without artists who challenge other peoples' sense of what's beautiful, artistic, etc., art would become so static it wouldn't even be funny.

Thing is, playing it safe is all I've ever known. It even affects how I think about art and creating it: although I love looking at art that pushes boundaries, when it comes to creating art myself, there's always a voice saying, "oh, no, you don't--that's not how the world works. Remember what you've been taught."

I desperately want and need to break free of the old ideas, but I can't. Not yet, at least. After March Break I'm going to meet with my academic adviser, Adam, and talk with him about it.